Introvert Behavior vs. Extrovert Behavior

Briefly, Introverts expend energy just being with other people and need solitude to re-charge, spend a lot of time thinking and little time talking and are slow with verbal responses. Here I'm going to give some real life examples of these differences.

Energy

My Extroverted daughter is revved up by shopping. When she gets home she wants to discuss the whole trip.

Solitude

The enjoyment of and a preference for solitude is an introvert behavior that many extroverts can't understand. I can, and have, gone for days without so much as speaking to someone on the phone. I don't know how long I could go before I would seek outside contact. My life requires contact. But I would say probably 2 weeks.

Extroverts need to interact with other people frequently. My ex husband couldn't last longer than a movie without talking to someone. He can't stand pauses in conversations and must fill them.

Emotion

Status report at work given by an extrovert: "We are so excited. Things are going great. It's going to be fantastic. Jim is really on top of things. He's .. blah blah blah. Terry is coming along. She finished .... Blah blah......"

Status given by an introvert: "Everything's fine. We'll be ready on time." ( You know where we're supposed to be, I don't need to repeat it all)

While the extroverts report may be a bit excessive, the introvert doesn't give enough information. We introverts need to realize that detailed updates are needed by most of the world and are not considered repetitious. So a quick, "We've completed this, this and this" Is much better than the "everything is on time" response.

Extroverts might gush over an accomplishment. Exclaiming in several different ways how great that accomplishment is: "Wow! That's fantastic! I'm so proud of you! You really worked hard! I'm so happy for you!". We will give a simple "That's great! Congratulations!" and believe that's enough.

Thinking

Our apparently aloof or disinterested look is actually just a pause while we mull something over. Our need to absorb and integrate new information takes time. Our mental gears must grind a bit before we can feel and display an emotion.

They are deep thinkers and come up with surprising connections between seemingly unrelated things. Think Albert Einstein.

They say that introverts are more comfortable with ideas and inner thoughts and extroverts are more comfortable with people and things. I think my sister-in-law and I are perfect examples of this.

She is very extroverted and wants to know what everyone did and is doing. She will interact with all the people on the sidelines of her children's athletic games while still catching almost everything her child does. She knows all the parents and all the siblings of all the players on her child's team by name and will ask how some unrelated event went in their life.

I, the introvert, will smile and say 'Hi' to a few parents that I recognize over time. I may exchange small talk about the weather and such with those I've sat on the sidelines with for a few years. My focus is on the game and my child. I can't focus on the game and on a conversation at the same time.

I have limited attention span for conversations on who did what. But I can get deeply involved in conversations about 'deep' subjects like politics, philosophy, economics.

My sister-in-law quickly gets frustrated with these subjects.

Understanding ourselves and others improves our life and our interactions. Self knowledge is the first step in any self-improvement program. If your personality leans strongly one way or the other the information about their differences will be helpful.

While it is wrong to think that the whole variety of human nature, with it's complicated, convoluted and contradictory personalities, can be reduced to just 16 types of the Myers-Briggs groupings, it can be useful in understanding ourselves and others.

Learning about your personality type can help you in real and concrete ways Do this with Personality Type Testing.

Let me know what you think about this article by submitting a comment. I'll post appropriate comments. Maybe your comment will help someone else.

Comments:

Not Stoic

Comment by CB from AL, USA
I can definitely identify with that status report situation. As a "feeler," I am not really stoic, but I always assumed, "No one cares about that.." as far as the details and other "trivia" about a project. I did notice that other people go into (what I think is) 'way too much detail, so I've begun to remind myself to include more details too. Otherwise others really don't have any way of knowing that we've considered and performed all of the steps they may be wondering about.

CB
http://introvertzone.com

CB,
I agree. We introverts do need to speak more than we might be comfortable with. It's a way to make sure others understand what we are doing and to get credit for the work. I'm probably projecting a bit of my own 'stoisim' as an ISTP, with VERY heavy emphasis on the I and T. There is more to us all than Introvert or Extrovert.
- Natalie

soooo bored

Comment by Mar from MD, USA
When I am in a meeting, I get soooo bored listening to unnecessary information, at least it is unnecessary to me, just get to the point. I get annoyed when people talk to me for 20 to 30 minutes about nothing, that is why I barely call anyone and screen my phone calls;-)

My husband is an extrovert and everyone loves his charisma. I do try to imitate him and speak to people more often or notice and acknowledge total strangers more because it works wonders for him for certain things.

Margaret
http://secretsofyoursubconscious.com/

Margaret,
I too, rarely call people because I don't want to get stuck in a meaningless conversation.
-Natalie