About the Author

Hi, I'm Natalie. I'm a 50 something women with 3 grown children. I've been divorced for over 20 years and have been struggling with personal growth and self improvement for my whole life.

I was extremely shy and had very low self esteem. Read my article on Shyness and my personal experience with it. I've come a long way and I want to help you improve your life. It is possible.

I promise you that everything I write about on this site, I will have tried personally or, in the case of concepts like "Happiness", I will have analyzed it thoroughly.

I am an introvert. According to a Meyers-Briggs test, I am an ISTP. That is Introvert, Sensor, Thinker, Perceiver.

One description says:

"ISTP - Cool onlookers - quiet, reserved, observing and analyzing life with detached curiosity and unexpected flashes of original humor.
Usually interested in cause and effect, how and why mechanical things work, and in organizing facts using logical principles."

And according to Strengths Finder, my strengths are: Intellection, Learner, Deliberative, Restorative, Input.

All this points to the fact that I'm a quiet Thinker/Analyzer. I'll analyze all kinds of self improvement for us both. Tell you what worked for me. What didn't work. And explore the 'Why' of both.

My Struggle

I've always had a problem with self-confidence. I remember being afraid to stand up and say my ABC's in Kindergarten, even though I knew them. The thought of it possibly coming out wrong or just very slowly was virtually paralyzing. I was shy, never speaking out, never approaching strangers. Just the thought of calling to order a pizza would have me in a nervous sweat. (no not when I was in kindergarten, but it did last into my 40's)

Now I'm self-confident. Belong to a couple of organizations in leadership roles and can approach people without much hesitation. But it was a long hard road. I hope to help others along their own road to fulfillment, hopefully making it not so long or hard.

My History

I'm the youngest of 3 children. Raised Catholic in a mid-west middle class suburban area.

At 19, I dropped out of college and got married. I realize now I was looking to be rescued from myself. But I chose someone who couldn't help me much. Which was probably good because it forced me to grow.

When I was married, my husband would laugh when he found me with a self-help book. I was very self-conscious about my self improvement efforts. I would hide my books. I could rarely put anything into effect, although I still have some of those old affirmations stuck in my head from time to time like old advertising jingles. No I have far exceeded my ex-husband financially, socially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I had 3 children in 3 years and found life going down hill. My marriage was a mess. Fighting all the time. We were on welfare and I spent a few afternoons picking up bottles to buy food for the kids.

I was very depressed. Even suicidal, although I don't think anyone knew it was that bad. The only thing that kept me from taking my own life was the horror of leaving my kids with their father. I couldn't hurt them that way. I know he loved them and still does, but he had no concept of them as people needing nurturing.

When it was time for my children to go to school, I decided I couldn't let them go to poor inner city schools. I wanted them to have a better chance. I swallowed what pride I had left and moved in with my parents so my kids could attend good suburban schools. I got a divorce.

After looking at my options and taking some aptitude tests, I went back to college and eventually got my degree in computer science. I got an entry level programming job in a large company. I did OK. It took me 10 years to pay off my student loans.

My kids did well with my mother acting as their mother and me going to work every day. In someways I had abdicated the role of mother to my mother, which hurt me and caused my youngest difficulties later. (It was her depression that got me into therapy. I felt totally lost in trying to help her.)

I was a Girl Scout leader, Cub Scout leader and soccer coach while working full time, but still had almost no confidence. I was always an assistant. I was growing, but at such a snails pace as to be almost un-noticeable.

I couldn't leave my parents home for fear of what it would do to my kids. Money would have been much tighter and I didn't want them to be 'latch key kids', home alone while I'm at work. (My mother swore she would never help me again if I "did that to the kids".)

Then my mother became ill and passed away in 1996. My kids were old enough by then to be alone at home, but I stayed in the house to give my father something to live for in helping me and my kids. My father passed away in 2007 after a short illness.

All three of my children have their bachelor degrees. So I guess I did something right.

In my quest to find myself and improve my life, I tried a couple of different Christian churches. They didn't change my life, much less my feelings about my life. They were like seminars, drugs or alcohol. They gave only temporary relief until my own subconscious would reassert my hidden beliefs.

I read Ayn Rand and tried objectivism. It suited my logical thinker side but it couldn't reconcile the metaphysical or psychic phenomena I knew about. (I believe there is more around us than we can access with our physical senses.) And it did nothing for my emotional side.

When all my children were in High School, I started looking for things to do in my next stage of life. I was always athletic. I started playing soccer on a women's over 30 team. I few years later, I started backpacking. I thought I would make a great hermit. I liked being alone and dependant on no one and no one dependant on me.

While my life improved bit by bit over the years, the dramatic improvement didn't occur until my feelings about myself and my lifes' potential changed when I was in my mid to late 40's. That's when I started doing 'inner work'. I started to realize some of the subconscious thoughts and beliefs I had. Then looking for ways to change them. That's when I really started to believe in myself and doing things for myself.

In 2006 I started Martial Arts training. Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) with a focus on Brazilian Ju-Jit-su. I won my first tournament in the beginning women's class against 20 and 30 somethings.

All this, some professional therapy and a lot of self reflection developed my self-confidence step by step.

I remembered my life long belief that 'the purpose of life is to LIVE!' That is, to enjoy, experience and grow. I had been trying to put that belief into practice, but was held back because of my obligations to my kids as they grew and my parents as they aged and of course my own fear of what they would think.

There's a couple of sayings about how you must help yourself before you can help another, you must love yourself before you can love another. I now understand it at a very deep level. While I was feeling stupid and useless, I couldn't help my children be self-confident. Not the way I can while I am full of happiness and positive energy.

I used to feel selfish trying to find my own happiness. That I was is in some way neglecting my family by doing so. Now that I am more in tune with positive energy and happiness, I am more in tune with others. I more easily find the right things to say at the right time. That had always been such a struggle.

As I began to feel better about myself, I began to believe that things were possible. I started to put the Power of Positive Thinking to work.

I recently bought 'the home of my dreams'. Actually it wasn't what I was looking for, it's better, more appropriate.

I recently 'came out' about my addiction or fascination about self improvement. And things have really started to happen. This site for one. My energy level for another. It is amazing how much better you feel when doing something you enjoy.

When you do what you really enjoy in any part of your life, that joy and energy spills over into other areas. The reverse is also true. If you hate your work it will drain the joy out of your home life.

I've come to realize that life is really a spiritual journey and that everyone must travel their own path in their own way. Others can give their opinions and describe what worked for them or what they believe in, but their path cannot be my path. I can learn from them and use their thoughts to help me, but my beliefs must be my own and no one else's.

With that in mind, I strive to remain open to all possibilities. Why I am the way I am. What I can learn. What I can change. What I can become.

When you remain open to opportunities, they will be there. When you close something off, you lose so many possibilities. When you close off your past it becomes like buried toxic waste. It will eventually seep back into your life until you deal with it. Now I'm not a mental health professional and don't want anyone to think I am, but if I can help someone from my experiences, I will.

I am truly getting better and better everyday in every way. I want to help you find your way to a better life.